Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Flood Your Heart with Joy. Expect My doing, My works and My life

I felt God speak to me recently..

"Flood your heart with Joy. Expectations of My doing, My being, My works and life."

Faith is Expecting the Positive, the Good. It brings Life - the Life and Breathe of God. Brings Hope and Joy.

Fear is expecting evil, worse, & magnifying the enemy and making the enemy look great.

Face it - you can!

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Fear of Rejection

It could be is the source of Childhood Fears. If you weren't loved and filled with acceptance when you're a child, you're likely to grow up twisted, weird and even perverted. This lack during childhood years would cause you to have a fear of rejection.

Fear of rejection binds you. You'll never fufil your full potential. You'll be bound until you overcome that fear.

Face it. Deal with it.

Types of Fear

Today, i heard from Peter Tan, a well-known teacher, that there are 3 types of fears:

Fear is Absence of something - a knowledge, an understanding, of faith.

Just like absence of light, there will be darkness. Isn't this interesting?

Some fears arise because you don't have faith in God.

Monday, May 18, 2009

You Don't Have To Be Afraid

Are you afraid of standing in front of people?

I do.

Do you feel your hands start to shake and heart thump up when you are fearful?

I have.

Fear is indeed a monster. Well, no more than a perceived monster that feeds on your mind.

You tend to imagine the Worst, it Expects Bad things to happen. It feeds on lack of faith...

However, we can slay it. We can overcome it. We can overcome it. With God's help!

How to Overcome Public Speaking Fears

Do you have fear of public speaking?

Laura Whitelaw mentioned that many books have been written and courses developed to help people overcome public speaking fears. She has done some good research and made a point that "Practice can often help people to become successful at public speaking and so many people choose to join organizations such as Toastmasters. There are also many simple exercises that people can perform to help them become more confident at public speaking."

Here's what she found:
Top 10 Fears in America
Many people fear public speaking and it's been said that often, people fear public speaking more than death itself. Below are the top 10 fears of Americans according to a February 2001 Gallop Poll of 1,016 respondents.

1. Snakes - 51%
2. Speaking in public - 40%
3. Heights - 36%
4. Being closed in a small space - 34%
5. Spiders and insects - 27%
6. Needles and getting shots - 21%
7. Mice - 20%
8. Flying on a plane - 18%
9. Dogs - 11%
10. Thunder and lightning - 11%

Say, maybe that's why the movie, "Snakes on a Plane" made for such a great horror movie - LOL!

Release Your Fears with ZPoint
ZPoint is also very effective at helping people overcome public speaking fears. This energy clearing technique is a remarkable process that works at a very deep level of the subconscious mind. The process uses a cue word and when you repeat your cue word like a mantra after the practitioner repeats various statements, you release deeper and deeper layers of upset and eventually peel away all the layers of the "onion" of anxiety.

Picture Them in Their Underwear
Last week, my ten year old son had to do a school presentation on Medieval Monks. The morning of the presentation, he expressed that he felt anxious about presenting to his class. I had taken him through the ZPoint process before and so I suggested he repeat his "cue word" silently to himself several times while he focuses on his nervousness before he does his presentation. Then, I suggested that once he gets in front of the classroom, he could always try picturing everyone in the underwear which of course made him laugh.

Results from using ZPoint to Clear Public Speaking Fears
The end of the school day arrived and as I was walking home from the bus with my son, I asked him how his presentation went. He said, "Mum, I did what you said, I repeated my cue word before I had to get up in front of the class and I felt fine when I got up there. I didn't feel nervous at all and didn't even have to picture anyone in their underwear! And, everyone liked my presentation, even my teacher." I love how quickly and effectively energy techniques work with children. If only I knew about this stuff when I was his age.

Overcome Fear of Decision Making

Here's an interesting article... written by Lee Horton.

Rebecca was at a point in her marriage where dissatisfaction was turning into hopelessness. She recognized many good qualities in her husband, but their relationship had grown cold and distant. Her efforts to bring about change had been met with little effort. She understood that he did not want a divorce, but she was also sure that he didn't want the type of marriage she needed. Yet, when she thought of announcing her desire to divorce, she became fearful and her fear kept her from acting on the pain she felt in her marriage. Fear can interfere with effective decision making. Fears can be realistic warnings or irrational stumbling blocks to making a change in your life. When do we change? We will take the risk of changing when the pain of the situation is equal to the fear of the change. If your fear is unrealistically high, then you will tend to tolerate too much pain.

Healthy fear is the desire to avoid something that is unhealthy.Unhealthy fear involves catastrophic beliefs about the future.

Are your biggest fears due to outcomes based on realistic predictions or a response to fantasizing about the worst possible outcome? Such unrealistic beliefs can bind you from making a decision.
Look at your life ten years form now. How do you want it to be? What changes do you predict? Now look back ten years. Could you have predicted some, most or all of the changes that have occurred in the past ten years?

·Allow yourself to seek out information about all of the options you face.
·Give yourself time to go through the entire decision-making process; don't jump to conclusions because the process is uncomfortable.
·Avoid undo pressure from others.
·Take responsibility for the decision; avoid letting others' response be the deciding force.
·Reach out to others for support and the knowledge that you do not always have to be right in order to be accepted.
·Be honest with yourself; evaluate the basis of your fears and determine whether they are grounded in healthy concern or unrealistic beliefs.

If you buy a car on an impulse and the car ends up being a poor choice, you will regret the decision and the way you made the decision. On the other hand, if you search out information and thoroughly research the cars and your needs, then you will can still end up with a lemon, but you won't regret how you made the decision. Take time to examine whether fear interferes with your ability to make a good decision.

Do you have fear of decision making? How do you deal with it?

How to Overcome Fear and Develop Courage

Rena Williams wrote an interesting piece. She says that developing the habit of courage may perhaps be one of life's greatest challenges. On the other hand, fear is considered and always will be the greatest enemy of man kind.

There are two types of fear. First, the emotion of fear, which is a natural emotion that we all have. Then there's a reality of what we fear, which is what leads to much of our stress, anxiety, and unhappiness in life.

Once the habit of courage is developed within us, along with rock solid self-confidence, new possibilities begin to open up for us. Just imagine for a moment what you would be, do, or have if you were not afraid of anything. Your accomplishments would be endless.

If your courage hasn't developed yet, don't worry, the habit of courage can be learned. It is no different than learning any other skill such as reading, dancing, riding a bike, sewing, or networking. The pattern is exactly the same. We must work hard at diminishing fear while at the same time strive harder to build the kind of courage that's going to help us deal fearlessly with life's ups and downs.

Unfortunately, troubles in life is something we can't escape. Jesus said as long as we are in the world to expect trouble. Not only expect it, but to count it all joy. He overcame every obstacle, so can we. So, expect them and be ready to deal with them head on, with a knowing that you can't be defeated. When we approach our problems with this attitude it leads us to victory.

The starting point in overcoming fear and developing courage is to search out the root cause. More times than not, we will discover that it all started with an episode from our childhood. Childhood conditioning and experiences that led to fear of failure or fear of rejection. Many years of hearing don't, you can't, you shouldn't, no wonder we grew up thinking "I can't, or I have to."

Based on those fears alone we find ourselves afraid to do anything in life that others might disapprove of. Therefore we become paralyze with fear that hold us back from taking proper actions toward reaching our goals and dreams.

Knowledge is power. The more information we tend to know about a particular topic, the more courageous and confident we feel in that area.

Courage is resistance to fear or the mastery of fear, not the absence of it. We are all afraid of something. This is normal. The solution to fear comes with "how do you deal with it?"

You can begin the process by taking actions consistent with the behaviors of courage. I'm sure you have heard it said that the future belong to the risk takers not the security seekers. Have the galls to begin a process to overcome fear. Launch out, step out on faith. It takes courage to try a new thing or move out of your comfort zone. Especially when there are no guarantee of your success.

Action takes courage. The courage to endure, to persist and stay at it once you began. It takes courage to be on purpose with your goals.

The master of fear and the development of courage is essential for a happy and successful life. Taking action toward acquiring the habit of courage, you'll find that you will eventually reach the point where fear will no longer play a major role in your decision making. Then comes the confidence of knowing you can attain goals and challenges with calmness and self assurance.

Dealing With Fear and Anxiety:

Have you read this famous article? In dealing With Fears and Anxieties, Molly Gordon explains it well : Fear and Choice, we can Choose! Haha...

First and foremost, understand that you always have a choice about how to respond to and deal with fear. You can cave into it, struggle with it, accept it, or work around it. You always have a choice, a choice you can make again and again or that you can change based on your assessment of what is best for you.

Redefining F.E.A.R.

Knowing that you have a choice about how to deal with your fears, consider the following reframe. Think of F.E.A.R. as an acronym for Fantasy Expectations Appearing Real. FEAR takes unsupported premises about impending doom, amplifies them, and presents the alleged results as inevitable failure.

I envision unsupported fears as hot air balloons. Once we grab hold of them, we are flung all over the countryside, terrified, out of control, anxious and powerless. Yet we fail to notice that no one forced us to grab onto the balloon in the first place. How would it be to stay put, safe on the ground, while the balloons go off on their merry, scary way?

If this image captures your imagination, play with it. Next time you have a fear attack, imagine a big hot air balloon touching down near you. Notice how tempting it is to grab on (or even to climb into) the basket, and then see yourself deciding to let it go. Watch the balloon careening over the landscape, while you remain, safe and sound, on the ground.
Dealing With Fear: Exercise

Make a list of all of your fears, writing as fast as you can to block the internal censor. Include EVERY fear, however small or irrational. Then read them aloud, suspending judgment. Allow yourself to feel the fear without grabbing onto the hot air balloon. Notice that being afraid does not have to mean losing ground.

If it feels comfortable, share your list with a friend. Before sharing your list, explain that you simply want a witness, that you are playing with how it is to acknowledge your fears without being pulled off center by them. Be clear that you are not asking for help and that you do not need advice. You do not need to be fixed. Ask your friend to simply listen, and to acknowledge you for being conscious of your fears.

Naturally, one of the most powerful ways to deal with the fears or anxiety you experience is to work with a coach either in individual private sessions or as part of a group.

How to Overcome Fears and Anxiety

You can overcome fears and Anxiety. Author Molly Gordon, shares an excellent script on how.

Fears keeps you stuck in at least part of your life, part of the time. Fear is responsible for much, if not most, frustration and failure. If you learn to work with and overcome their fears and anxiety, you can step into a world of virtually unlimited possibility and satisfaction. It's great witnessing the transformation that occurs when fear and anxiety stop running the show.

A Story of Fear

Author: AN INTJ

Some years ago, I went to an amusement park with my mother. At first, she was somewhat afraid of the roller coaster, but eventually relented in the name of adventure. As we boarded the roller coaster, I could see the tension in my mother’s body, undoubtedly caused by the adrenaline coursing through her veins with each hearbeat. I was probably feeling the same way, but since this is another one of those situations over which you have no control, it didn’t really bother me that much. Hey, if this was my day to die, then it is my day to die - might as well enjoy the ride before the accident!

As I finished my thought, the roller coaster started moving slowly. I could feel the weight of the metal that was going to hurl me at whirling speeds in a few minutes. My mother’s grip tightened with each passing second. I can only imagine what was going through her head right then. It probably contained some images of her flying through the air diving towards the ground.

Pretty soon, we were at the top. You could see my mother tensed and ready for a battle to the death. I, on the other hand, was as relaxed as I possibly could be, eagerly waiting to see what kind of strange sensations a couple extra gs would bring.

Before long, the roller coaster went over its apex and started accelerating downwards. At that time, I haven’t ridden a roller coaster in a while, so some terrifying sensations was definiately expected, Strangely, it wasn’t nearly as bad as I’d thought. The upwards “pull” feeling on my stomach wasn’t nearly as strong as I’d remembered. Maybe it has something to do with growing up and having a bigger body. Anyway, the random motions still seemed interesting, jerking me back and forth. I sat there, looking around at stuff at weird angles. I could probably have had a sandwich and read a book without it bothering me too much.

Out of the corner of my eyes, I caught a glimpse of my mother. She was completely bent over, with her head in between her arms, in one of the most terrified positions a person can be in. I couldn’t help but notice the irony of the situation. It reminds me of those cartoons where two guys fall off a roof, one guy lands on the floor, while another guy is grasping desperately onto the lowest ledge, only inches from the ground. The first guy taps the on the shoulder of the second guy, kind of saying, “Hey eerr, you know you can let go right?” This is exactly what I tried to do - I leaned over and gently tapped on mom on the back, seeing if she’ll relax. She barely acknowledged me, completely paralyzed by her own fear. Later, as we were getting off, she told me that she sprained her neck on the ride.

I am reminded of this experience every time I see people make a really big deal out of not so bad situations. For example, we hear of college students committing suicide because of the pressure of getting good grades. It’s so tempting to tap them on the shoulder and say, “You know - all that piece of paper says is you don’t know it very well right now - it’s not like you can’t just learn it later!” This is an example of something that could just be ignored, but instead is blown up into ridiculous proportions, just like Jack and Bob in The Key To A Healthy Relationship.

I’ve actually known the college student mentioned above personally. We played chess together at one point in high school and I knew him to be one of the smartest people in the school. Yet, from what I’ve heard, he jumped off a bridge from the pressure of graduate school and because his best friend also did the same.
The Obstacles That Our Fears Create

In both of these situations, the person in question created a seemingly unsurmountable obstacle that exists solely in their imagination. In my mom’s case, she was so sure that she was going to die on the roller coaster that day, that she did everything she could to avoid the experience. As a result, not only did she not enjoy the ride, she had a sprained neck to go along with it. In the case of the student jumping off the bridge, he probably viewed certain accomplishments in graduate school as the ultimate achievement in life. Because he thought that if he didn’t achieve this, his life would have no meaning, he ended his life just to avoid “failing” at this imaginary task.

Looking around, there are numerous instances of fears that keep people from getting what they want every day. A guy standing next to a girl who likes him but he’s afraid of asking out. So he walks away, leaving himself and the girl disappointed. A guy who wants to start a business but sees all the problems before they even manifest. Ultimately, he decides against it because these problems seem so unsurmountable, leaving himself and his potential clients unhappy. Every day, many people are prevented from accomplishing their dreams due to these imaginary obstacles. I am sure that I have had my fair share of these unjustified fears. Here’s a few tips for combatting them:

Recognize Your Fears - First, you need to recognize that this is indeed one of the fears you have. If you already accept this particular fear as the absolute truth, then there is no way to face that particular fear and hence no way to overcome it. For example, say you want to start a business, but you are afraid of taking risks. Every time someone talks to you about starting a business, your immediate response is “Oh, that’s too risky for me”. In this instance, you have so internalized the fear of taking risks that you don’t even recognize it as one of your fears anymore. In your world, it becomes an absolute truth that starting a business = bad. You no longer recall why or how you came to that conclusion, just that it is.

This is an extremely dangerous mode to get into because not only are your fears limiting your progress, you don’t even know that it is! This is the very situation that the graduate student who committed suicide got himself into. He became so obsessed with doing well in school and feared failing so much, that failing = the end of life for him. Once he saw that he couldn’t accomplish what he wanted, he figured he was going to “die anyway”, so he might as well do it earlier.

You should always very carefully examine the reasons why you choose not to do something. As long as something doesn’t kill you or permanently injure you in some way, you can do it! Start by making a list of anything you want to do. If an automatic thought crosses your mind stating some reason you can’t do it now, that is the result of some sort of fear. For example, let’s say you want to start a business but you can’t do it now because you don’t have enough money, that is the result of the fear of going broke, the fear of being hungry, the fear of having no shelter, etc. Or maybe you are not talking to the guy or girl you like because now is not a good time. That is the result of the fear of being rejected, the fear of not belonging, the fear of being inadequate, etc. Write down the reasons you have and the fears associated with those reasons.

Once you have recognized your fears, you can now work towards defeating them. These are the things that are holding you back from exploring more possibilities and limiting your growth as a person.

Understanding The Root Of Your Fears - With your list of fears that are holding you back, you can now try to figure out where these fears come from. For each item on the list, examine whether this fear is the result of some other fears. Your goal is to consolidate your list to as few fears as possible, so that you can better understand where the root of your all your fears are coming from. For example, say one of the items on your list is the fear of being poor. Ask yourself, why am I afraid of being poor? Maybe it’s because being poor limits your freedom. Maybe it makes you insecure about your ability to support yourself. From that one fear, you have actually expanded your list to two fears. Continue this process and ask yourself why you are afraid of having no freedom and why you are afraid of being unable to support yourself.

When you start this exercise, your list will probably grow bigger and bigger as your discover more and more of your fears. However, like finding bugs in software engineering (and then fixing them), you eventually will hit a peak and the number on that list will start to decrease. Try to find as many common base fears as possible, so that you have a smaller number of fears to have to work on. I also find this excerise to really help with knowing yourself better.

When I finished this process, I only had one fear left on the list - the fear of not existing.
Overcoming Your Fears - Fear, as far as I can tell, is the result of uncertainty about a situation. We fear death because we don’t know what happens after it. We fear losing our jobs because we don’t know if there is another way we’ll be able to support ourselves. We fear asking a person out on a date because we don’t know what the other person’s expectations are and whether they would say yes or no. In all of these instances, fear comes from not knowing what we would do should some particular situation happen.

To get rid of the fear, simply figure out what you will do in each of the possible scenarios. For example, for the fear of asking someone out on a date, figure out what you would do if he/she says yes, he/she says no, he/she says yes with a smile, he/she says no with a smile, he/she throws a glass of water at you, etc. Once you know exactly how to handle every single situation, there is simply nothing to be afraid of anymore.

Of course, it’s not always easy to plan out exactly what to do in every situation. How do you even go about doing that? There are infinite number of situations that can come up, so there is no way to “memorize the correct action” for each particular situation. This is where knowing your purpose in life helps tremendously. When you have a definite purpose that encompasses all situations, then you will always have something fall back on if you don’t know exactly what to do.

For me, that purpose is existence. In any situation where I am unsure or confused, I will pick the option that maximizes my existence. Dying? No problem, I will just create as much stuff as possible (could be things or ideas) while I am alive and my existence will become these things. Asking for a date? if yes, we find out more about each other. If no, I go back to my happy single life and possibly try again at a later time. Losing my job? I will try to find some other way to increase my existence. Sure, I may still be afraid from time to time since I haven’t worked every single thing out, but given a bit of time, I will always know which path to take.

Having this purpose is like having a giant compass whenever you are lost. You may not know where you are now, but you will always end up at your destination if you follow the general. Knowing this, what is there to be afraid of? You will get what you want, you are heading the right way, and you do know what to do when you are lost. Since this is an internal thing, this sure seems like a good saying: “For all problems, look inside yourself”.

Figure out your purpose and fear will never control you!

Saturday, April 25, 2009

how to overcome fears?

How to overcome fears?

This is the most horrid...question of age but real and true.